It is easy to feel angry, fearful or hopeless when we judge the events in our lives to be stressful. We commonly view a storm, an outspoken co- worker, losing a game or race, getting a bad comment, being refused membership in a club, or being stopped by a security guard in negative terms. Interpreting the same situation in a different light can reduce the stress produced by a negative interpretation. For example, we can reinterpret a stressful situation as:
1. A growth promoting event which will give us experience and understanding even though it may be difficult to deal with,
2. A challenge where we will have a chance to experiment with our abilities and compete against the odds,
3. A natural and normal part of our life, which we need, to be better.
We can reinterpret the stressful events in our lives like life’s trials "...all things works together for good to those who love Him.”
We always have the choice of how we are going to interpret a situation. A blind person can interpret his physical disability as an affliction, which he will resent having all his life or interpret it as something which enables him to better appreciate the suffering of other people. A person who receives a speeding ticket can interpret the event as upsetting and unfair since so many other drivers were also speeding or interpret it as a chance to reevaluate his own driving habits which could prevent a future accident. An employee who has a selfish and outspoken officemate can interpret the situation of working with him as intolerable or interpret the situation as an experience which will prepare him for marriage since his future wife could never be more difficult to live with than his officemate. A parent can interpret his child's fussy behavior as tiring and something that needs to be curbed or interpret it as a natural behavior for a child that age and patiently try to cope with it until the child outgrows it.
Any sacrifice can be interpreted as an imposition on our time or as a chance for us to build our character and competence. How we interpret the stress in our environment directly affects our feelings, and in turn, influences our behavior. Negative interpretations usually produce stressful feelings and lead to avoidance or resistive behavior. Positive interpretations can produce satisfying feelings and lead to productive and growth promoting behavior.
Bibliography
1. Maughan, Michael L., Ed.D., Managing Stress as a College Student, Counseling and Development Center, Brigham Young University, Provo, Utah.
2. Staying Sane, In a World of Uncertainty, Worldwide Church of God Publication Special Report
3. Model of Stress, www.stressfree.com/model.html
4. Effects and Process of Stress, Geocities.com
5. Marsh, Henry (1997). Reality Model, The Breakthrough Factor, USA: Simon and Schuster Inc.
6. Video Clips, FranklinCovey Planning Systems, www.franklincovey.com
Friday, December 14, 2007
Stresstab14: Our Expectations
Disappointment, frustration and anger frequently come from things not working out the way we expected them to. We have conscious and unconscious expectations for our own behavior, for the behavior of others and for particular events in our lives. When things do not happen the way we expected, it is easy to become upset and irritated. Examples of our expectations may include: (1) expecting a promotion, (2) expecting to get all ten items on our list done for that day, (3) expecting birthday money from Mom and Dad, (4) expecting our boss to recognize our extra work, and (5) expecting our spouse to know what's on our mind.
One way we can deal with the stress, which comes from unmet expectations, is to replace expectations with hopes. For example, if we begin work by saying to ourselves, "I hope this day will be interesting, but I am not going to expect it to be the greatest," we will be less disappointed if the day is not interesting. Another example is to say, "I would sure like him to call tonight, but I am not going to expect it." By thinking this way, the evening is not ruined if he does not call. There is nothing wrong with desiring something, but when our wants and hopes become expectations we set ourselves up for trouble. Identifying and changing our expectations can be an excellent way to control stress.
One way we can deal with the stress, which comes from unmet expectations, is to replace expectations with hopes. For example, if we begin work by saying to ourselves, "I hope this day will be interesting, but I am not going to expect it to be the greatest," we will be less disappointed if the day is not interesting. Another example is to say, "I would sure like him to call tonight, but I am not going to expect it." By thinking this way, the evening is not ruined if he does not call. There is nothing wrong with desiring something, but when our wants and hopes become expectations we set ourselves up for trouble. Identifying and changing our expectations can be an excellent way to control stress.
Stresstab13: Structuring Relationships
Stress comes from unhappy relationships with others. We sometimes find ourselves locked into a relationship which we wish we could change. Seldom do we realize that we may have caused such a situation and could have prevented it by proper structuring of the relationship as it began. Coleman and Hammen expand on this idea:
Many of us are rather naive in the matter of structuring interpersonal relationships in ways that are appropriate to the situation and person. Often we unwittingly encourage others to be overly familiar or to take advantage of us--and then blame them for an unsatisfactory relationship that has been largely of our own making. It is always important to examine in advance the type of relationship that is desirable-- whether between employer and employee, executive and secretary, husband and wife, father and daughter, or friend and friend--and to take active measures to establish and maintain the relationship in the form we consider appropriate.
Coleman and Hammen point out that all interpersonal relationships become structured with time whether or not the persons involved exhibit a conscious effort to structure them. Once certain patterns have been established, it becomes increasingly difficult to change the structuring. For example, if we engage in sexual intimacy with a close friend but then desire to limit such behavior in the future, it will be more difficult to do than if we had structured the affectional limits differently in the first place. Changing an unsatisfying relationship is still possible, however, regardless of how structured it has become. We can initiate a restructuring process by expressing a positive regard for the other person and a desire to continue the relationship in a more satisfying manner. Then, we can suggest specific changes we would like to see made and express a willingness to do what we can to improve the relationship. Finally, we can solicit ideas and suggestions from the other person about changing the relationship.
Restructuring an existing relationship is possible, but as Coleman and Hammen suggest, we are better off to evaluate in advance new situations with others, decide what kind of relationship we want with them, and then take active measures to establish and maintain that relationship according to our original decision. By doing this, we will better avoid being drawn into a relationship we later resent.
Many of us are rather naive in the matter of structuring interpersonal relationships in ways that are appropriate to the situation and person. Often we unwittingly encourage others to be overly familiar or to take advantage of us--and then blame them for an unsatisfactory relationship that has been largely of our own making. It is always important to examine in advance the type of relationship that is desirable-- whether between employer and employee, executive and secretary, husband and wife, father and daughter, or friend and friend--and to take active measures to establish and maintain the relationship in the form we consider appropriate.
Coleman and Hammen point out that all interpersonal relationships become structured with time whether or not the persons involved exhibit a conscious effort to structure them. Once certain patterns have been established, it becomes increasingly difficult to change the structuring. For example, if we engage in sexual intimacy with a close friend but then desire to limit such behavior in the future, it will be more difficult to do than if we had structured the affectional limits differently in the first place. Changing an unsatisfying relationship is still possible, however, regardless of how structured it has become. We can initiate a restructuring process by expressing a positive regard for the other person and a desire to continue the relationship in a more satisfying manner. Then, we can suggest specific changes we would like to see made and express a willingness to do what we can to improve the relationship. Finally, we can solicit ideas and suggestions from the other person about changing the relationship.
Restructuring an existing relationship is possible, but as Coleman and Hammen suggest, we are better off to evaluate in advance new situations with others, decide what kind of relationship we want with them, and then take active measures to establish and maintain that relationship according to our original decision. By doing this, we will better avoid being drawn into a relationship we later resent.
Stresstab12: Doing Something Significant
There always seems to be a number of daily items, which need our attention. In our efforts to take care of these items, we frequently feel exhausted at the end of the day but seriously wonder if we have accomplished anything of significance. We all recognize that the process of daily living requires a number of short-lasting have-to-do tasks like cleaning, washing clothes, and meal preparation. If our day is totally consumed with these tasks, however, a slowly developing stress reaction is likely to result. It can begin with our always feeling tired and bored with what we have facing us. We feel strapped in our roles as students, parents, or employees. We feel like we are putting in a lot of time and effort but getting little in return. We feel like we are doing the same tasks over and over again.
One way to counteract this stress reaction is to purposely schedule in our daily routine an activity, which has lasting value. A few examples include (1) writing a diary or article where we include thoughts and ideas which are meaningful to us, (2) reading uplifting and informative material and noting ideas which impress us, (3) providing a service for someone which we would not normally do, (4) writing letters of thanks and support to relatives and friends, (5) spending personal time with a child in teaching a skill he or she will need to know, and (6) making something like a table or wall hanging which can be used and enjoyed. These are just a few of the possible activities which can give us a feeling of doing something which will last beyond a day, a week or a month. Stress resulting from our "wheel-spinning" feelings can be reduced if we regularly incorporate more lasting activities into our life.
One way to counteract this stress reaction is to purposely schedule in our daily routine an activity, which has lasting value. A few examples include (1) writing a diary or article where we include thoughts and ideas which are meaningful to us, (2) reading uplifting and informative material and noting ideas which impress us, (3) providing a service for someone which we would not normally do, (4) writing letters of thanks and support to relatives and friends, (5) spending personal time with a child in teaching a skill he or she will need to know, and (6) making something like a table or wall hanging which can be used and enjoyed. These are just a few of the possible activities which can give us a feeling of doing something which will last beyond a day, a week or a month. Stress resulting from our "wheel-spinning" feelings can be reduced if we regularly incorporate more lasting activities into our life.
Stresstab11: Nutritious Food
Much could be said about eating good food on a regular basis but most of us already know that we feel better physically and emotionally if we avoid foods with a high sugar content and replace them with foods from the four basic food groups: milk and dairy products, meats, vegetable and fruits, and bread and cereals. Physical well-being has a direct correlation with the handling of emotional stress. Eating irregularly and consuming a great deal of "fast foods" eventually reduces our efficiency in dealing with our daily tasks. Good eating habits, which includes eating a wholesome breakfast each day, help us to better control our emotions and avoid dramatic emotional swings. Depression and anxiety can easily arise if our physical body is not properly nourished.
Many athletes and performers who rely on their physical efficiency try to keep their weight within ten percent of their ideal. This is a good guideline for all of us to use so as not to have our energy drained off in excessive weight.
Finally, we are capable of taking care of our physical bodies. It is interesting that more and more health experts around the country are emphasizing the adverse effects of alcohol, tobacco, tea and coffee on the body systems. Each of these items should be avoided to help maintain body efficiency in dealing with stress.
Many athletes and performers who rely on their physical efficiency try to keep their weight within ten percent of their ideal. This is a good guideline for all of us to use so as not to have our energy drained off in excessive weight.
Finally, we are capable of taking care of our physical bodies. It is interesting that more and more health experts around the country are emphasizing the adverse effects of alcohol, tobacco, tea and coffee on the body systems. Each of these items should be avoided to help maintain body efficiency in dealing with stress.
Stresstab10: Exercise and Re-creation
People who maintain a regular program of exercise seemed able to become more quickly and deeply relaxed than people who avoid exercise. This should prompt all of us to add exercise to our life as a weapon to fight stress. We are aware that the body is the only machine, which wears out when it is not used rather than when it is used. Daily exercise helps us feel better about our body and improves our health. It improves not only our physical well being but also our mental and emotional functioning. Exercise is an excellent way to release tension.
Picking an exercise activity for some of us is difficult, particularly if we have not engaged in one for months or maybe even years. To start with, we should pick one, which does not markedly disrupt our daily routine. For example, just briskly walking 1-1/2 km. each day takes only a few minutes and can be done most any time and any place. We ought to try to establish an exercise program, which is enjoyable and fits our own interests and time schedule. Varying the activity is important so interest can be maintained. Boredom easily sets in when we walk or jog around the same block each day. Exercising with someone else is helpful since it usually sustains commitment to the program.
Perhaps the most difficult thing about exercising is to do it regularly. This means exercising each day or every other day. Physiologists and physical educators emphasize the necessity of regular exercise for beneficial effects to occur within the body. In fact, we all know that strenuous exercise performed on an occasional basis can be physically harmful. We must remember to start with a small amount of exercise and build upon it until we reach a desirable level.
Recreational activities other than exercise offer good stress-reducing avenues. Hobbies, crafts, gardening, attending movies and plays, and reading all help us take our mind from the stressful things in life.
Too much recreation can be used as a temporary escape from responsible work effort. When it is used in this way, we still face the stress of getting the work done at some later time. In this case, we need to make recreation (a high probability activity) contingent upon, and following, a certain amount of completed work (a low probability activity).
Picking an exercise activity for some of us is difficult, particularly if we have not engaged in one for months or maybe even years. To start with, we should pick one, which does not markedly disrupt our daily routine. For example, just briskly walking 1-1/2 km. each day takes only a few minutes and can be done most any time and any place. We ought to try to establish an exercise program, which is enjoyable and fits our own interests and time schedule. Varying the activity is important so interest can be maintained. Boredom easily sets in when we walk or jog around the same block each day. Exercising with someone else is helpful since it usually sustains commitment to the program.
Perhaps the most difficult thing about exercising is to do it regularly. This means exercising each day or every other day. Physiologists and physical educators emphasize the necessity of regular exercise for beneficial effects to occur within the body. In fact, we all know that strenuous exercise performed on an occasional basis can be physically harmful. We must remember to start with a small amount of exercise and build upon it until we reach a desirable level.
Recreational activities other than exercise offer good stress-reducing avenues. Hobbies, crafts, gardening, attending movies and plays, and reading all help us take our mind from the stressful things in life.
Too much recreation can be used as a temporary escape from responsible work effort. When it is used in this way, we still face the stress of getting the work done at some later time. In this case, we need to make recreation (a high probability activity) contingent upon, and following, a certain amount of completed work (a low probability activity).
Stresstab9: Increasing Our Compassion and Care
Much has been written about love and the benefits it can bring into our lives and the lives of others. Love, or the lack of it, seems to be associated with most of our other emotions. When we are experiencing feelings like happiness and calmness, we are most likely giving love to others. When we are experiencing feelings of anger, hurt, or fear, there is probably a deficiency of love in those same relationships.
Caring for others is difficult especially when they have hurt us. We must remember, however, that our ability to love others is not dependent upon them. As annoying as they may be, we still have the power within us to love them regardless of their obnoxious, mean, or vulgar behavior. It helps if we can direct this power toward focusing on their positive aspects, their worth, and their potential to change rather than concentrating on their offensive and undesirable behaviors.
One of the first things we can do to increase our compassion and care within us is to decide to have compassion and care for others. A dramatic example of this is illustrated in a true story from World War II, where a Polish individual by the nickname of Wild Bill Cody decided to have compassion for others even though the German army had just shot his wife and five children. He stated,
"I had to decide right then whether to let myself hate the soldiers who had done this. It was an easy decision, really. I was a lawyer. In my practice I had seen too often what hate could do to people's minds and bodies. Hate had just killed the six people who mattered most to me in the world. I decided then that I would spend the rest of my life-- whether it was a few days or many years--loving every person I came in contact with."
The decision to have compassion and care instead of hate is a major accomplishment because it is so easy to justify our negative feelings as a consequence of the unfairness and cruelness in the world.
Another step we can take to increase our ability to love others is to try to understand their past, their family, their needs, and their fears. Often someone will act in an uncaring way as a protection against hurt and rejection. For example, a sarcastic and spiteful officemate will probably be easier to like if we know of the verbal abuse she received at home and her present need to appear as competent as anyone else.
We can also increase compassion within us by doing things for others without any reciprocal expectations. Voluntary acts of kindness and service without a desire for recognition or repayment usually increase compassion in both the "giver" and the "receiver." Examples of such acts could be: complimenting someone for the talk she gave, helping co- worker clean his desk, leaving an anonymous note of admiration or encouragement, running an errand for a friend, listening to a friend's troubles, and doing the dishes for a mate.
One of the quicker ways to increase our compassion is to become involved and work with people who are poor, handicapped, or disadvantaged. Associating with and serving those who are less fortunate than ourselves usually increases our compassion and appreciation for them. It also helps us put our own problems in perspective.
Liking others is much easier if we like ourselves. When we belittle our ideas, looks, and abilities, we diminish our capacity to extend kindness to others. Accepting our limitations in a positive and realistic way helps us maintain good feelings about ourselves and makes it easier to accept the limitations in others. Acceptance of ourselves and others promotes love.
Some additional ways to increase our compassion is to seek the gift of love from God, face the fears which are "tormenting" us and holding us back from love, and provide appropriate physical contact as an expression of our feelings.
Caring for others is difficult especially when they have hurt us. We must remember, however, that our ability to love others is not dependent upon them. As annoying as they may be, we still have the power within us to love them regardless of their obnoxious, mean, or vulgar behavior. It helps if we can direct this power toward focusing on their positive aspects, their worth, and their potential to change rather than concentrating on their offensive and undesirable behaviors.
One of the first things we can do to increase our compassion and care within us is to decide to have compassion and care for others. A dramatic example of this is illustrated in a true story from World War II, where a Polish individual by the nickname of Wild Bill Cody decided to have compassion for others even though the German army had just shot his wife and five children. He stated,
"I had to decide right then whether to let myself hate the soldiers who had done this. It was an easy decision, really. I was a lawyer. In my practice I had seen too often what hate could do to people's minds and bodies. Hate had just killed the six people who mattered most to me in the world. I decided then that I would spend the rest of my life-- whether it was a few days or many years--loving every person I came in contact with."
The decision to have compassion and care instead of hate is a major accomplishment because it is so easy to justify our negative feelings as a consequence of the unfairness and cruelness in the world.
Another step we can take to increase our ability to love others is to try to understand their past, their family, their needs, and their fears. Often someone will act in an uncaring way as a protection against hurt and rejection. For example, a sarcastic and spiteful officemate will probably be easier to like if we know of the verbal abuse she received at home and her present need to appear as competent as anyone else.
We can also increase compassion within us by doing things for others without any reciprocal expectations. Voluntary acts of kindness and service without a desire for recognition or repayment usually increase compassion in both the "giver" and the "receiver." Examples of such acts could be: complimenting someone for the talk she gave, helping co- worker clean his desk, leaving an anonymous note of admiration or encouragement, running an errand for a friend, listening to a friend's troubles, and doing the dishes for a mate.
One of the quicker ways to increase our compassion is to become involved and work with people who are poor, handicapped, or disadvantaged. Associating with and serving those who are less fortunate than ourselves usually increases our compassion and appreciation for them. It also helps us put our own problems in perspective.
Liking others is much easier if we like ourselves. When we belittle our ideas, looks, and abilities, we diminish our capacity to extend kindness to others. Accepting our limitations in a positive and realistic way helps us maintain good feelings about ourselves and makes it easier to accept the limitations in others. Acceptance of ourselves and others promotes love.
Some additional ways to increase our compassion is to seek the gift of love from God, face the fears which are "tormenting" us and holding us back from love, and provide appropriate physical contact as an expression of our feelings.
Stresstab8: Resolving Anger
When our stressful feelings include anger, it is best to resolve these feelings as soon as possible. The holding in of anger and hostility puts a great stress on the body, which may be converted into psychosomatic symptoms like headaches, ulcers, and gastrointestinal problems. Anger turned inward can also lead to depression.
Anger can be dealt with by going directly to the person we are in disagreement with and trying to settle our differences before getting other people involved. We need to give in occasionally rather than always having to be right. The use of the phrase "perhaps you are right" will help us do this. Sometimes we feel a need to correct someone if he has an incorrect understanding about something. We should temper this tendency and ask ourselves "Does it really matter in the long run?" and "Will it do more damage than good for me to show him he is wrong?" Learning to laugh at ourselves and to smile more can also counteract anger. It is difficult to remain angry when we smile. This seems to be true whether our smile is spontaneous or forced. Just thirty seconds of a continuous smile can begin to melt away angry feelings. Hard physical work is another way to reduce anger.
One more way to reduce the feeling of anger is to thank others for what they have done. This can include thanking people for opening doors, for serving us at a cash register, for smiling and being friendly, for fixing our food, and for teaching a good lesson. We must always be thankful for the blessings of eyesight, health, parents, the air we breathe, and freedom. Letters of appreciation can be written to people who have done things for us in the past. It is almost impossible to remain angry while continually thanking someone for something.
Two other guidelines are very useful in resolving anger. The first is to ask forgiveness from others whom we have offended. The second is to do things for others. Such action brings about good feelings for ourselves and others. Doing something for someone we are upset with is particularly effective in reducing anger.
Anger can be dealt with by going directly to the person we are in disagreement with and trying to settle our differences before getting other people involved. We need to give in occasionally rather than always having to be right. The use of the phrase "perhaps you are right" will help us do this. Sometimes we feel a need to correct someone if he has an incorrect understanding about something. We should temper this tendency and ask ourselves "Does it really matter in the long run?" and "Will it do more damage than good for me to show him he is wrong?" Learning to laugh at ourselves and to smile more can also counteract anger. It is difficult to remain angry when we smile. This seems to be true whether our smile is spontaneous or forced. Just thirty seconds of a continuous smile can begin to melt away angry feelings. Hard physical work is another way to reduce anger.
One more way to reduce the feeling of anger is to thank others for what they have done. This can include thanking people for opening doors, for serving us at a cash register, for smiling and being friendly, for fixing our food, and for teaching a good lesson. We must always be thankful for the blessings of eyesight, health, parents, the air we breathe, and freedom. Letters of appreciation can be written to people who have done things for us in the past. It is almost impossible to remain angry while continually thanking someone for something.
Two other guidelines are very useful in resolving anger. The first is to ask forgiveness from others whom we have offended. The second is to do things for others. Such action brings about good feelings for ourselves and others. Doing something for someone we are upset with is particularly effective in reducing anger.
Stresstab7: Sound Thinking
The thoughts we give ourselves generally determine what feelings we will possess. People and circumstances do not make us feel angry or upset. Instead, we choose to get upset by what we tell ourselves about those people and circumstances. For example, it is not a messy roommate who makes us angry; instead, we feel angry by choosing to tell ourselves statements about the roommate such as, "She is lazy. She does it just to get me mad. I can't stand living with her one more day." These statements get us upset and cause stress. We always have a choice of telling ourselves other things about our roommate, which are, not stress promoting like, "She and I are different. Perhaps my example will rub off on her. I really like the way she looks today." Angry feelings will be replaced with calm feelings when we use such statements. Remember, the thoughts we give ourselves about the event cause the stress--not the event itself. As soon as we accept this principle, we have taken a major step in controlling the stress in our lives.
Another principle of sound thinking is to avoid making assumptions about the intent of another person's comments or behavior. If we hear or see something which concerns us, we need to inquire about its meaning so as to avoid misconstruing it. Most of us have a tendency to take things personally, think the worst about a situation and then act on our unsubstantiated assumptions. We should avoid this trap by limiting our fantasy thinking and finding out what the statement or behavior means before acting in a way we later regret.
Sound thinking involves accepting our past decisions without feeling bad about them. It is always easy to look back and see what we might have done without realizing we probably did the best we could at that time. Brooding over past decisions wastes time, gets us upset, does not help us make the best of the present, and does not help us plan for the future.
When we choose to think of the past or future, it is more beneficial to learn from past and plan for the future as opposed to our old habits of feeling guilty about the past and worrying about the future. We should learn to reflect on past mistakes in terms of "next time" instead of "if only." We accomplish nothing when we worry. In fact, we usually make things worse by upsetting ourselves. Sometimes we erroneously think that our worrying indicates, "we care." Genuine caring, however, involves doing what we can about the situation rather than worrying about it. Worrying just cheats us out of the time we could use for preparation.
Feeling guilty about something can be beneficial if it motivates us to change ourselves or the situation for the better. Feeling guilty without constructive change only promotes an irrational and negative view of ourselves. Some of us like to hang on to our guilt feeling so we can punish ourselves whenever things go wrong. This can be a cop-out from really facing a situation directly and taking action to make it better. We should honestly ask whether our guilt feelings are leading us to beneficial action whereby we can eliminate such feelings or whether we are holding on to them to make ourselves feel miserable.
Sound thinking is sometimes avoided when we choose to keep things "complex" with reference to ourselves and the stresses we feel. We choose to think in fuzzy terms when we use phrases like, "I don't know why I feel this way" or "I'm not sure what I want in a marriage partner." We frequently use such terms to obtain attention and concern from others or to avoid having to maturely deal with the problem at hand. For example, just feeling "yucky" can be used as a reason to avoid personal and social responsibilities. Stress can be dealt with more effectively if we force ourselves to be specific in identifying our feelings and the thoughts causing them.
Another principle of sound thinking is to avoid making assumptions about the intent of another person's comments or behavior. If we hear or see something which concerns us, we need to inquire about its meaning so as to avoid misconstruing it. Most of us have a tendency to take things personally, think the worst about a situation and then act on our unsubstantiated assumptions. We should avoid this trap by limiting our fantasy thinking and finding out what the statement or behavior means before acting in a way we later regret.
Sound thinking involves accepting our past decisions without feeling bad about them. It is always easy to look back and see what we might have done without realizing we probably did the best we could at that time. Brooding over past decisions wastes time, gets us upset, does not help us make the best of the present, and does not help us plan for the future.
When we choose to think of the past or future, it is more beneficial to learn from past and plan for the future as opposed to our old habits of feeling guilty about the past and worrying about the future. We should learn to reflect on past mistakes in terms of "next time" instead of "if only." We accomplish nothing when we worry. In fact, we usually make things worse by upsetting ourselves. Sometimes we erroneously think that our worrying indicates, "we care." Genuine caring, however, involves doing what we can about the situation rather than worrying about it. Worrying just cheats us out of the time we could use for preparation.
Feeling guilty about something can be beneficial if it motivates us to change ourselves or the situation for the better. Feeling guilty without constructive change only promotes an irrational and negative view of ourselves. Some of us like to hang on to our guilt feeling so we can punish ourselves whenever things go wrong. This can be a cop-out from really facing a situation directly and taking action to make it better. We should honestly ask whether our guilt feelings are leading us to beneficial action whereby we can eliminate such feelings or whether we are holding on to them to make ourselves feel miserable.
Sound thinking is sometimes avoided when we choose to keep things "complex" with reference to ourselves and the stresses we feel. We choose to think in fuzzy terms when we use phrases like, "I don't know why I feel this way" or "I'm not sure what I want in a marriage partner." We frequently use such terms to obtain attention and concern from others or to avoid having to maturely deal with the problem at hand. For example, just feeling "yucky" can be used as a reason to avoid personal and social responsibilities. Stress can be dealt with more effectively if we force ourselves to be specific in identifying our feelings and the thoughts causing them.
Stresstab6: Rest and Daily Relaxation
It is beneficial to create an "island of time" when we can daily engage in some uninterrupted reading, pondering, thinking and meditating. This should be a time when the conscience can easily and quietly communicate with us as we think about our relationship with true north principles. It is a time to think positively about ourselves. It is a time to relax so as to allow our body and mind a chance to prepare for the tasks ahead of us the rest of the day.
The body sends signals when we need physical and emotional rest. We need to be sensitive to these cues and adjust our output accordingly. Emotional and physical resilience are closely related. Studies have shown that constant emotional stress over a period of time can bring about serious physical illnesses. When we become very fatigued, our capacity to deal with the usual tasks of life decreases and we often feel emotionally overwhelmed in dealing with the smallest of problems. A short relaxation period each day can be a valuable aid in keeping our physical and emotional reserve high.
We must recognize the importance of our body receiving the proper amount of rest. It is best that we go to bed early and to rise early so our mind and body can be invigorated. It is easy to understand why we feel a fatigued stressfulness when we choose to operate on other sleep patterns.
Some additional ways of relaxing include having available a psycho-motor activity like whittling or knitting, visiting friends who make us feel good, reading humorous material and associating with someone who has a good sense of humor, or regularly using some flexible relaxation methods. Relaxation can also be facilitated by using a commercial relaxation tape or a tape we personally make where we talk ourselves into relaxing by using positive self-talk, quoting scriptures, sayings, songs or messages which have a calming and uplifting effect upon us.
As beneficial as relaxation is in counteracting the stressful events in our life, we need to understand when it is useful to quit a given pursuit, and when it is best to rally and increase our intensity in dealing with a situation. Examples of reducing stress by withdrawing ourselves from aversive situations would be to quit a job we determine is too demanding for our background, or to discontinue a relationship with someone who is uncaring and manipulative. Examples of lowering our stress level by increasing our effort toward a goal would be a vigorous attempt to improve our performance in a job by going beyond the standard requirements, or a consistent attempt to improve a friendship by showing more interest in the person and initiating fun times which could be enjoyed together.
The body sends signals when we need physical and emotional rest. We need to be sensitive to these cues and adjust our output accordingly. Emotional and physical resilience are closely related. Studies have shown that constant emotional stress over a period of time can bring about serious physical illnesses. When we become very fatigued, our capacity to deal with the usual tasks of life decreases and we often feel emotionally overwhelmed in dealing with the smallest of problems. A short relaxation period each day can be a valuable aid in keeping our physical and emotional reserve high.
We must recognize the importance of our body receiving the proper amount of rest. It is best that we go to bed early and to rise early so our mind and body can be invigorated. It is easy to understand why we feel a fatigued stressfulness when we choose to operate on other sleep patterns.
Some additional ways of relaxing include having available a psycho-motor activity like whittling or knitting, visiting friends who make us feel good, reading humorous material and associating with someone who has a good sense of humor, or regularly using some flexible relaxation methods. Relaxation can also be facilitated by using a commercial relaxation tape or a tape we personally make where we talk ourselves into relaxing by using positive self-talk, quoting scriptures, sayings, songs or messages which have a calming and uplifting effect upon us.
As beneficial as relaxation is in counteracting the stressful events in our life, we need to understand when it is useful to quit a given pursuit, and when it is best to rally and increase our intensity in dealing with a situation. Examples of reducing stress by withdrawing ourselves from aversive situations would be to quit a job we determine is too demanding for our background, or to discontinue a relationship with someone who is uncaring and manipulative. Examples of lowering our stress level by increasing our effort toward a goal would be a vigorous attempt to improve our performance in a job by going beyond the standard requirements, or a consistent attempt to improve a friendship by showing more interest in the person and initiating fun times which could be enjoyed together.
Stresstab5: Getting Closer to True North Principles
Stress can come from treating lightly our relationship with correct principles and making minimal effort to keep ourselves in alignment with it. Sometimes we are so convince we know better, we believe we have everything we need to be effective and efficient. We strive so hard to be successful, but deep inside we know that we are not living in such a way that we felt harmony and wholeness with true north. We think we can keep doing what we are doing and get a different result. We seldom read and used wisdom literature. We criticize others and get angry with them. In short, we live in a way, which creates dissonance between, how we are behaving and how we feel we should be behaving. This dissonance manifests itself in the form of internal stress. This is frequently a subtle stress, which we can easily suppress as long as things are going okay. The true magnitude of the stress is observed, however, when we are called upon to perform at a higher level like accepting a supervisory position or an administrative function. It is then that we have to examine our level of performance, and we often end up feeling inadequate and unworthy.
We all know what our performance level is. When we are making serious attempts to grow, we feel good and have a peace of conscience. When we are not, we generally feel agitated, defensive, critical and alienated from others. Such feelings are stressful. Peace and calmness can be restored to our soul by living with honor (attitudes and thoughts as well as behaviors).
We all know what our performance level is. When we are making serious attempts to grow, we feel good and have a peace of conscience. When we are not, we generally feel agitated, defensive, critical and alienated from others. Such feelings are stressful. Peace and calmness can be restored to our soul by living with honor (attitudes and thoughts as well as behaviors).
Stresstab4: Better Ways of Doing Things
A common stress reduction motto is "If you don't like it, change it." One way to change things is to identify those people and events, which are stressful to us and how we have traditionally responded to them in the past. Once we identify the cause of our stress, we can plan some new ways to respond to them in the future. Practicing our new responses before we actually need them is a good way to better prepare for those situations.
It is easy to fall into the habit of being late for work, meetings and other events in our life. We find ourselves waiting until the last possible moment to get ready for appointments and then get upset if others delay us even more. An easy way to eliminate this kind of stress is to develop a new habit of always being a little early to the events we attend. When we are a few minutes early, we feel more in control of the situation and can still smile.
For many of us, doing things ahead of time instead of putting them off until the last minute is a new response. Procrastination is a stress producer even though we may obtain some short-term relief using it. Taking action on things as soon as possible can dramatically relieve stress. Imagine how much better we can feel when we start on that report a month before it is due.
Speaking up and asserting ourselves is another new behavior for many of us. If others take us for granted and overlook us because we don't say much, we need to try some responsible assertiveness. It may be a bit awkward at first, as all new behaviors are, but it will most likely reduce our stress level if we continue to use it. Remember though, assertiveness is not aggressiveness. It involves the sharing of feelings and thoughts in an appropriate way and under appropriate circumstances.
Some additional ways of doing things differently include: (1) using a different style in dress and grooming, (2) saying "hello" to co-workers we would usually ignore, (3) begin living a spiritual principle we have been putting off for some time, (4) speaking, eating, driving and moving at a slower pace, and (5) trying out for an athletic team or theatrical production.
It is easy to fall into the habit of being late for work, meetings and other events in our life. We find ourselves waiting until the last possible moment to get ready for appointments and then get upset if others delay us even more. An easy way to eliminate this kind of stress is to develop a new habit of always being a little early to the events we attend. When we are a few minutes early, we feel more in control of the situation and can still smile.
For many of us, doing things ahead of time instead of putting them off until the last minute is a new response. Procrastination is a stress producer even though we may obtain some short-term relief using it. Taking action on things as soon as possible can dramatically relieve stress. Imagine how much better we can feel when we start on that report a month before it is due.
Speaking up and asserting ourselves is another new behavior for many of us. If others take us for granted and overlook us because we don't say much, we need to try some responsible assertiveness. It may be a bit awkward at first, as all new behaviors are, but it will most likely reduce our stress level if we continue to use it. Remember though, assertiveness is not aggressiveness. It involves the sharing of feelings and thoughts in an appropriate way and under appropriate circumstances.
Some additional ways of doing things differently include: (1) using a different style in dress and grooming, (2) saying "hello" to co-workers we would usually ignore, (3) begin living a spiritual principle we have been putting off for some time, (4) speaking, eating, driving and moving at a slower pace, and (5) trying out for an athletic team or theatrical production.
Stresstab3: Planning and Preparation
Stress frequently comes about when we do not get done what we hoped to do in a given period of time. If this is the case, scheduling can help. We commonly tend to schedule too much for the time and energy we possess. We should be realistic and avoid over-scheduling ourselves. How much can we really do during the day? We need to allow for the unanticipated to pop up. This means not scheduling every minute of the day, but instead, leaving empty spaces designed to handle the unexpected. If the unexpected does not happen, time is available for other choices. Leaving time for emergencies causes less frustration when they arise. We need to let the schedule work for us and not be a slave to it. Another thing to remember is to schedule and prioritize tasks. Working on the most difficult and important first, then to the easier and routine ones. It is easy to deceive ourselves into thinking we will be more effective in our jobs, if we first "clear our mind" by running some necessary errands or by working our easier and routinary tasks before the most important and difficult ones. The reverse is usually true. We feel better if we get a start on the most important and difficult task first so they are not still facing us at the end of the day. It is also a good idea to schedule our most important and difficult task at a time during the day when we are the most alert and our energy level is at its peak. We too often leave this task until we are too tired to attempt it and then face the temptation of putting it off until the next day. It is wiser to leave the easy and routinary tasks for those times when our energy level is low. We ought to schedule some time in the day for ourselves and for our loved ones. If this personal and family time is set up as a reinforcement for completed tasks, we will likely be motivated to work more efficiently on most important and difficult tasks of the day. For example, when we say to ourselves, "I am going to reward myself by playing tennis after I get my laundry done," we will probably get more done than if we say, "I have to get this laundry done so that I can get started on my gardening next.” Some days our schedules look overwhelming. When they do, we need to take one thing at a time. We should try to enjoy the task we are presently doing and avoid thinking about the long day ahead of us. Time will go much faster if we concentrate on some interesting aspect of our immediate task rather than just enduring until the day is finished. Scheduling or planning is a preliminary step to preparation. Once the outline for the day is done, we can begin preparing for our scheduled events. Preparation is a great stress reducer. Usually there is an inverse relationship between stress and preparation, one increases as the other decreases. Most of us who experience noticeable stress in our job are behind in our performance due to lack of planning and preparation. Our stress decreases as our planning and preparation increases. As we draw up our schedule and begin to prepare for the day's activities, it is to our advantage to take a moment to sit back and visualize how we are going to do what we wrote on the schedule. We can create a mental picture or map in our mind of going through the process of doing instead of letting our schedule become filled with whatever happens at that time. God created the world spiritually before he created it temporally. This is an excellent example for us to follow. Without pre-experiencing in our mind how we will handle the events of the day, we place ourselves in a position to give into the "side show attractions" which draw us away from the items we need to accomplish before the day ends. Pre-experiencing our actions in our mind before they actually occur increases the probability of our behaving in a more productive way.
Stresstab2: Our Own Goals
Realistic goal setting is sometimes difficult when bosses, friends and other well-wishers offer ample advice about what would be best for us. It is important for us to decide on our own goals since pursuing a business or personal goal defined by someone else creates problems. As difficult as it sometimes is, we need to analyze our own abilities and interests and pursue a course toward them even though they might not carry as much social prestige and financial security as pursuits suggested by others. Much wasted time can lapse when we take classes to become a medical doctor while knowing our abilities in math and chemistry are not very strong. Hard work does not guarantee success and happiness. Once we select the goal, we should pre-experience the attaining of that goal in our mind. Visualizing how we will go about obtaining the goal increases the probability of actually reaching it. Successful athletes pre-experience over and over again in their minds how they are going to function in the game so as to be at their peak effectiveness once the game begins. One mistake we make in seeking a goal is focusing so much on reaching the goal that we fail to enjoy the process of getting to it. If we find satisfaction in our immediate efforts rather than thinking how nice it's going to be when we finally arrive at that distant goal, we enjoy life more. For example, we enjoy a trip more if we decide to take an interest in the landmarks along the way or in talking with the other travelers rather than just enduring the ride until arriving at the anticipated destination. If we set the goal to finish as soon as possible to get into the "real world," we will probably suffer through a lot of boring time. Easily obtainable short-range goals should be established as well as long-range goals. These short-range goals give us a chance to reach levels of accomplishment along the way and provide us an opportunity to feel good about small amounts of progress. We can be more at peace with ourselves at the end of the day if we think about what we have completed rather than about the things we have not done. A final word or two about goals is worth remembering. Stress can also come by not having goals as well as setting unrealistic ones. Constant restlessness is a frequent symptom of someone who has chosen not to decide on some goals for the present. Stress is also evident when we set so many goals that it is impossible to reach them. This "superman urge" should be carefully monitored since it can easily lead to feeling overwhelmed by all the things we think we should be doing.
Stresstab1: Our Stress Tolerance Level
Recognizing and accepting our most comfortable life-style, which includes the dimension of knowing how much pressure we can tolerate, is an effective way to avoid becoming overwhelmed by stress. Dr. Selye suggests that some people have a "race horse" life-style and seem to thrive on intense activity, while at the other extreme; some people prefer a "turtle" life-style and function best when their activity level is reduced. Trying to adopt a "race horse" life-style when we really prefer a "turtle" pace of life, or vice-a-versa, can be stressful. For example, a medical doctor told a "race horse" lady, who had just been diagnosed as having high blood pressure, to go home and take it easy. He told her to do more things while sitting down such as reading and resting. She tried this program for a week or two before going back to the doctor and telling him that she was going crazy. The change from the "race horse" to the "turtle" life-style was extremely stressful for her and actually increased her blood pressure. After talking with the doctor, she adopted a moderate "race horse" level and consequently reduced her blood pressure as well as her stressful feelings.
It is often difficult to discover our stress-tolerance level since it tends to fluctuate with time. It sometimes seems to be higher than usual, while at other times; we have difficulty handling just a small amount of pressure. Everyone has a different stress-tolerance level, and we should not feel guilty if we cannot keep up with someone else. Always trying to compete with people who have higher levels than our own brings about prolonged stress. One example of operating at our own level is registering for the number of hours in office, which we think we can effectively handle even though our friends may register for more hours. Another example is getting the number of hours of sleep we think we need even though our colleagues can function on fewer hours. We need to trust ourselves as the authority on how much stress our body and emotions can handle.
A good way to discover our stress-tolerance level in a given situation is to be sensitive to the different cues our body gives us. Such cues as a headache, an upset stomach, a painful joint or an aching muscle indicate we have probably surpassed our tolerance level and need to reduce the stress we are experiencing. It is wise to take corrective action as soon as these signals appear.
Sometimes we unconsciously lower our tolerance level because we waste emotional energy over insignificant incidents. This drains away our capacity to deal with situations we can usually handle. Getting upset over a glass of spilled milk is a waste of good emotional energy. We should choose not to become irritated about such an accident, but instead, clean it up and forget it. We are all fallible human beings and make mistakes. We ought to save our energy for the more significant items of the day.
It is often difficult to discover our stress-tolerance level since it tends to fluctuate with time. It sometimes seems to be higher than usual, while at other times; we have difficulty handling just a small amount of pressure. Everyone has a different stress-tolerance level, and we should not feel guilty if we cannot keep up with someone else. Always trying to compete with people who have higher levels than our own brings about prolonged stress. One example of operating at our own level is registering for the number of hours in office, which we think we can effectively handle even though our friends may register for more hours. Another example is getting the number of hours of sleep we think we need even though our colleagues can function on fewer hours. We need to trust ourselves as the authority on how much stress our body and emotions can handle.
A good way to discover our stress-tolerance level in a given situation is to be sensitive to the different cues our body gives us. Such cues as a headache, an upset stomach, a painful joint or an aching muscle indicate we have probably surpassed our tolerance level and need to reduce the stress we are experiencing. It is wise to take corrective action as soon as these signals appear.
Sometimes we unconsciously lower our tolerance level because we waste emotional energy over insignificant incidents. This drains away our capacity to deal with situations we can usually handle. Getting upset over a glass of spilled milk is a waste of good emotional energy. We should choose not to become irritated about such an accident, but instead, clean it up and forget it. We are all fallible human beings and make mistakes. We ought to save our energy for the more significant items of the day.
Stress Management and the Reality Model
There is a way to manage stress. The best approach is to assess the specific situation, tailor the method to the particulars of the situation, and then monitor its effectiveness. Stress management is directed at one or more of the five interacting components involved in the stress process: 1) demand, 2) awareness, 3) arousal, 4) capability, and 5) the negative consequences. Here are some examples:
Identify and lessen the demands or increase capability by setting limits, i.e. saying "no", and by not taking on additional responsibilities before the existing ones are met or under control. Get more time or get extra help, or increase your effectiveness by utilizing better tools or by acquiring additional training.
Awareness, perception or the cognitive component, is likely the most important aspect. We need to be aware of all of the relevant issues concerning the demands, our capabilities, resources, and the potential consequences. We need to see these things accurately and clearly and plan accordingly. Our beliefs will determine how we handle the issues and how we feel. We could cause ourselves unnecessary stress by having false beliefs, or by being catastrophic in our thinking and believing something is awful or terrible when it is only difficult or unpleasant. We could also put ourselves in danger by having false beliefs, by using denial and avoidance and by not being aware of or perceiving a real threat.
Do something to reduce the arousal and tension and lower the level of activation. Take a break and stop thinking about the demands and consequences, relax and refocus on pleasant events. Work off the extra tension by exercising or participating in recreation and play. Get a massage, or take a vacation. The use of drugs or medication should be avoided or used only as a temporary last resort, because something needs to be changed not just tolerated.
Eliminate or lessen the effect of the negative consequences by preparing for them, changing the circumstances, or changing your thinking. Examples include putting money in an emergency savings account, buying insurance, changing jobs, crime prevention, earthquake preparedness, accepting what can’t be changed and refocusing your thinking and energy into the what can be done to overcome the negative and make things better.
(Discussion of the Reality Model is part of our Organization's Services' Stress Management Workshop. A diagnostic tool for viewing stressful events more clearly and identify behaviors and perceptions that are unproductive. To know more 3gcall or text (0063) (920) 903-5490; (0063)(2) 412- 3271; or e-mail us at roadcreek@gmail.com)
Identify and lessen the demands or increase capability by setting limits, i.e. saying "no", and by not taking on additional responsibilities before the existing ones are met or under control. Get more time or get extra help, or increase your effectiveness by utilizing better tools or by acquiring additional training.
Awareness, perception or the cognitive component, is likely the most important aspect. We need to be aware of all of the relevant issues concerning the demands, our capabilities, resources, and the potential consequences. We need to see these things accurately and clearly and plan accordingly. Our beliefs will determine how we handle the issues and how we feel. We could cause ourselves unnecessary stress by having false beliefs, or by being catastrophic in our thinking and believing something is awful or terrible when it is only difficult or unpleasant. We could also put ourselves in danger by having false beliefs, by using denial and avoidance and by not being aware of or perceiving a real threat.
Do something to reduce the arousal and tension and lower the level of activation. Take a break and stop thinking about the demands and consequences, relax and refocus on pleasant events. Work off the extra tension by exercising or participating in recreation and play. Get a massage, or take a vacation. The use of drugs or medication should be avoided or used only as a temporary last resort, because something needs to be changed not just tolerated.
Eliminate or lessen the effect of the negative consequences by preparing for them, changing the circumstances, or changing your thinking. Examples include putting money in an emergency savings account, buying insurance, changing jobs, crime prevention, earthquake preparedness, accepting what can’t be changed and refocusing your thinking and energy into the what can be done to overcome the negative and make things better.
(Discussion of the Reality Model is part of our Organization's Services' Stress Management Workshop. A diagnostic tool for viewing stressful events more clearly and identify behaviors and perceptions that are unproductive. To know more 3gcall or text (0063) (920) 903-5490; (0063)(2) 412- 3271; or e-mail us at roadcreek@gmail.com)
The Process & Model of Stress
The Process of Stress
When a potential stressor is perceived as threatening, the person’s level of arousal is increased and stress is experienced.
The person selects from the available resources a coping response that is expected to be effective in reducing or eliminating the stressor.
If stress is successfully reduced, the person experiences a relaxation of arousal and increased confidence in being able to handle future stressors.
If the coping response is not successful, stress and increased arousal continue. If new strategies are not tried or are unsuccessful the prolonged stress and increased arousal results in strain.
Model of Stress
http://www.stressfree.com/model.html
When a potential stressor is perceived as threatening, the person’s level of arousal is increased and stress is experienced.
The person selects from the available resources a coping response that is expected to be effective in reducing or eliminating the stressor.
If stress is successfully reduced, the person experiences a relaxation of arousal and increased confidence in being able to handle future stressors.
If the coping response is not successful, stress and increased arousal continue. If new strategies are not tried or are unsuccessful the prolonged stress and increased arousal results in strain.
Model of Stress
http://www.stressfree.com/model.html
Common Symptoms of Stress
Physiological &
Behavioral
Increased heart rate
Rise in blood pressure
Dryness of mouth & throat
Sweating
Tightness of chest
Headache
Nausea, vomiting
Indigestion
Diarrhea
Trembling, twitching
Grinding of teeth
Insomnia
Anorexia
Fatigue
Slumped posture
Pain, tightness in neck and back muscles
Urinary frequency
Missed menstrual cycle
Reduced interest in sex
Hyperventilation
Accidents and accident proneness Blocking
Diminished problem solving Reduced productivity
Altered food intake Diminished problem solving
Poor concentration Spiritual
Disinterest in activities Expressed concerns Decreased involvement with others system.
Bickering Expressed concerns about
Smoking relationships with clergy.
Use of alcohol and drugs Separation from cultural and Increased use of sarcasm relationship.
Tendency to cry easily
Nightmares
Complaining, criticizing
Affective
Irritability
Depression
Angry outbursts
Emotional instability
Withdrawal
Restlessness
Anxiety
Suspiciousness
Jealousy
Increased startle reaction
Decreased frustration tolerance
Cognitive
Forgetfulness
Poor judgment
Poor concentration
Reduced creativity
Less fantasizing
Errors in math and grammar
Preoccupation
Blocking
Reduced productivity
Diminished problem solving
Spiritual
Expressed concerns about belief system.
Expressed concerns about relationships with clergy.
Separation from cultural and religious relationship.
Behavioral
Increased heart rate
Rise in blood pressure
Dryness of mouth & throat
Sweating
Tightness of chest
Headache
Nausea, vomiting
Indigestion
Diarrhea
Trembling, twitching
Grinding of teeth
Insomnia
Anorexia
Fatigue
Slumped posture
Pain, tightness in neck and back muscles
Urinary frequency
Missed menstrual cycle
Reduced interest in sex
Hyperventilation
Accidents and accident proneness Blocking
Diminished problem solving Reduced productivity
Altered food intake Diminished problem solving
Poor concentration Spiritual
Disinterest in activities Expressed concerns Decreased involvement with others system.
Bickering Expressed concerns about
Smoking relationships with clergy.
Use of alcohol and drugs Separation from cultural and Increased use of sarcasm relationship.
Tendency to cry easily
Nightmares
Complaining, criticizing
Affective
Irritability
Depression
Angry outbursts
Emotional instability
Withdrawal
Restlessness
Anxiety
Suspiciousness
Jealousy
Increased startle reaction
Decreased frustration tolerance
Cognitive
Forgetfulness
Poor judgment
Poor concentration
Reduced creativity
Less fantasizing
Errors in math and grammar
Preoccupation
Blocking
Reduced productivity
Diminished problem solving
Spiritual
Expressed concerns about belief system.
Expressed concerns about relationships with clergy.
Separation from cultural and religious relationship.
Effects of Stress
Everyone experiences stress and is vulnerable to it. We do not, however, have to be helpless victims to it. We can manage it, reduce and control it, and can minimize or prevent the negative consequences.
Stress: Push the Limits and Risk Death
There are some similarities between mechanical systems and human systems that are useful in appreciating the powerful effects of stress. Every system, human or mechanical, has limits and requirements for effective functioning. Each system operates within the limits of tolerance for demands, pressures and tensions placed upon it. The electrical circuits in your house are capable of handling a limited amount of power. When more energy is demanded than is safe to handle, the circuit is broken or a fuse is blown. If the water pressure in your plumbing is higher than it is designed to handle, a fitting will eventually leak or burst. If you run your new automobile hard all the time and neglect the proper maintenance, it will start giving you trouble and will deteriorate more quickly. Keep neglecting it and it will shut itself down and force you to attend to it. Pushing a system beyond its limits and neglecting proper maintenance invites deterioration and breakdown.
Just like machines, human systems have limits and breaking points and require maintenance. If you are under increased pressure, push yourself hard and neglect the proper maintenance on yourself, you will also deteriorate and eventually have a breakdown. Your body will force you to stop and attend to it. If you neglect the maintenance in your marital relationship, your spouse will start giving you trouble, there will be a deterioration of the relationship and a breakdown in communication and goodwill. Don’t push yourself so hard that you use up all your best and have nothing left for your spouse and family but fatigue, intolerance and irritability. Don’t risk the loss of your personal relationships or the loss of your health. Save some of your best for your loved ones and yourself.
Stress can be Harmful to Your Health
Inappropriately handled stress can be devastating. It lowers our resistance and makes us more vulnerable to illness and disease. The increased inner pressure can cause our health to deteriorate resulting in a variety of serious physical problems. Stress victims can become emotional cripples and physiologically old and run down long before their time. Stress can cause a loss of not only health, but also loss of jobs, loss of families, even loss of life.
Stress can be Harmful to Others
People under stress also make more mistakes, and these mistakes can cause others to be secondary victims to someone else’s stress. I would not want to have surgery by a stressed surgeon or be cared for by a stressed nursing staff. Nor would I want to be a passenger on a plane maintained by a stressed maintenance crew or flown by a stressed pilot.
Stress: Push the Limits and Risk Death
There are some similarities between mechanical systems and human systems that are useful in appreciating the powerful effects of stress. Every system, human or mechanical, has limits and requirements for effective functioning. Each system operates within the limits of tolerance for demands, pressures and tensions placed upon it. The electrical circuits in your house are capable of handling a limited amount of power. When more energy is demanded than is safe to handle, the circuit is broken or a fuse is blown. If the water pressure in your plumbing is higher than it is designed to handle, a fitting will eventually leak or burst. If you run your new automobile hard all the time and neglect the proper maintenance, it will start giving you trouble and will deteriorate more quickly. Keep neglecting it and it will shut itself down and force you to attend to it. Pushing a system beyond its limits and neglecting proper maintenance invites deterioration and breakdown.
Just like machines, human systems have limits and breaking points and require maintenance. If you are under increased pressure, push yourself hard and neglect the proper maintenance on yourself, you will also deteriorate and eventually have a breakdown. Your body will force you to stop and attend to it. If you neglect the maintenance in your marital relationship, your spouse will start giving you trouble, there will be a deterioration of the relationship and a breakdown in communication and goodwill. Don’t push yourself so hard that you use up all your best and have nothing left for your spouse and family but fatigue, intolerance and irritability. Don’t risk the loss of your personal relationships or the loss of your health. Save some of your best for your loved ones and yourself.
Stress can be Harmful to Your Health
Inappropriately handled stress can be devastating. It lowers our resistance and makes us more vulnerable to illness and disease. The increased inner pressure can cause our health to deteriorate resulting in a variety of serious physical problems. Stress victims can become emotional cripples and physiologically old and run down long before their time. Stress can cause a loss of not only health, but also loss of jobs, loss of families, even loss of life.
Stress can be Harmful to Others
People under stress also make more mistakes, and these mistakes can cause others to be secondary victims to someone else’s stress. I would not want to have surgery by a stressed surgeon or be cared for by a stressed nursing staff. Nor would I want to be a passenger on a plane maintained by a stressed maintenance crew or flown by a stressed pilot.
Common Sources of Stress
Change.
It’s taking place quickly on all fronts- in technology, in family and social patterns, in international relationships. The world is constantly being shaped and reshaped at a pace faster than any of us can comfortably grasp.
Conflict.
Human seems not to know how to relate to each other happily, either on the personal or the international level. So strife between families as well as warfare between competing nations and ideologies make this world a less stable- and more stressful- place to live.
Materialism.
The desire to ”keep with the Joneses” is a basic source of stress. It happens between next- door neighbors and between different nations. A television proclaims, “Too much is never enough.”
Now, two income families are almost a necessity rather than a luxury in many major cities. Ellen Cassedy wrote in a Redbook that “the typical victim of burnout is a woman with children and a job and more things to do than time to do them in (Are you Making Yourself Sick?”, March 1998).
Fears and Worries.
In the world we live in, who can blame you for being concerned about the future? Events that occur halfway around the world can translate into rising food or fuel costs. Feeling out of control of your own life causes a lot of stress.
And stress spawns other problems- among them drug abuse, family breakups, mental illness and tragic accidents. All of these produce more stress. It’s a vicious cycle.
A major source of stress in people’s lives today comes from the refusal to face reality and to accept that the things we think and do cause many of the things that happen to us.
Understanding begins with an admission of our ignorance. As long as we’re convinced that we know the cause of our suffering, evidence to the contrary and without letting go of old explanations, we can’t open ourselves to other possibilities.
It’s taking place quickly on all fronts- in technology, in family and social patterns, in international relationships. The world is constantly being shaped and reshaped at a pace faster than any of us can comfortably grasp.
Conflict.
Human seems not to know how to relate to each other happily, either on the personal or the international level. So strife between families as well as warfare between competing nations and ideologies make this world a less stable- and more stressful- place to live.
Materialism.
The desire to ”keep with the Joneses” is a basic source of stress. It happens between next- door neighbors and between different nations. A television proclaims, “Too much is never enough.”
Now, two income families are almost a necessity rather than a luxury in many major cities. Ellen Cassedy wrote in a Redbook that “the typical victim of burnout is a woman with children and a job and more things to do than time to do them in (Are you Making Yourself Sick?”, March 1998).
Fears and Worries.
In the world we live in, who can blame you for being concerned about the future? Events that occur halfway around the world can translate into rising food or fuel costs. Feeling out of control of your own life causes a lot of stress.
And stress spawns other problems- among them drug abuse, family breakups, mental illness and tragic accidents. All of these produce more stress. It’s a vicious cycle.
A major source of stress in people’s lives today comes from the refusal to face reality and to accept that the things we think and do cause many of the things that happen to us.
Understanding begins with an admission of our ignorance. As long as we’re convinced that we know the cause of our suffering, evidence to the contrary and without letting go of old explanations, we can’t open ourselves to other possibilities.
Stress and Your Immune System
Not all stress is bad. To be alive is to be under a certain amount of stress, and the body functions well – even excels – under the right kind and right amount of stress. But when the body constantly is forced to draw on inner reserves to respond to negative stressors, health suffers.
The mind has much to do with the body’s health.
“People who feel in control of life can withstand an enormous amount of change and thrive on it,” wrote Joan Borysenko in Minding the Body, Mending the Mind (Addison-Wesley Publishing Co., Inc., 1987). “ People who feel helpless can hardly cope at all” (page 22).
In one experiment, psychologist Arthur A. Stone and colleagues gave 30 dental students a harmless protein for slightly more than two months and tracked the level of antibodies the student’s immune systems produced against the protein (this is the way immunization against a virus works).
“Stone and colleagues found that bad moods and relatively low antibody production occurred on the same days, presumably giving the students less ‘protection’ against the foreign protein,” wrote author Marjory Roberts. “Good moods corresponded to a bolstered immune response, better enabling the body to ‘reject’ the substance.”
The researchers concluded that “minor, daily mood fluctuations are associated with immune functioning.”
“Research has repeatedly shown that extreme stress and depression can weaken the body’s ability to fight off potential invaders, but now it seems that even daily ups and downs can toughen the task of the immune system” (M. Roberts, “Moody Immunity,” Psychology Today, November 1987, page 14).
The fact is that “the body cannot tell the difference between events that are actual threats to survival and events that are present in thought alone,” said Dr. Borysenko.
“The mind spins out endless fantasies of possible disasters past and future. This tendency to escalate a situation into its worst possible conclusion is what I call awfulizing, and it can be a key factor in tipping the balance toward illness or health” (Minding the Body, Mending the Mind, page 20).
In another experiment, volunteers were injected with a tiny dose of adrenaline. Researchers found that lymphocytes – the “helper cells” that augment the immune response within the body – immediately declined in their systems.
S.I. McMillen wrote about this effect of adrenaline production and release in a body under stress:
“This reserve of energy [from the adrenaline gland] can be lifesaving if one is running from a lion or crossing a busy highway. But, if a person sits at high noon in the security of his own home and, instead of relaxing, allows his mind to think of burglars or of the man who is out to destroy his business, then his emotional centers will send out alarm messages to the glands, heart, and blood-pressure centers – just as if an individual were actually attacking him. Although the body needs an excess of hormones for genuine emergency situations, an excessive and frequent production of hormones over weeks and months results in harmful effects” (None of These Diseases, Fleming H. Revell Co., 1984, page 131).
“Indeed a primary function of the brain, perhaps as important as rational thought or language, is health maintenance,” wrote Robert Ornstein and David Sobel (The Healing Brain,” Psychology Today, March 1987, pages 48-52).
“The numerous connections between the nervous system and the immune system allow the mind to influence resistance or susceptibility to disease…. Scores of studies on humans shows that various types of social instability and the lack of resources to regain stability are associated with subsequent illness,” the authors continued.
To offset any negative stress and gain peace of mind, then, the individual must get in control of his mind and emotions. That control gives hope for a brighter future.
The value of peace of mind is priceless not only mentally but, science is showing, even in terms of physical health.
Research shown that adrenaline, produced in glands on top of the kidneys (left), suppresses the release of lymphocytes – a group of white blood cells of crucial importance to the body’s immune system.
The mind has much to do with the body’s health.
“People who feel in control of life can withstand an enormous amount of change and thrive on it,” wrote Joan Borysenko in Minding the Body, Mending the Mind (Addison-Wesley Publishing Co., Inc., 1987). “ People who feel helpless can hardly cope at all” (page 22).
In one experiment, psychologist Arthur A. Stone and colleagues gave 30 dental students a harmless protein for slightly more than two months and tracked the level of antibodies the student’s immune systems produced against the protein (this is the way immunization against a virus works).
“Stone and colleagues found that bad moods and relatively low antibody production occurred on the same days, presumably giving the students less ‘protection’ against the foreign protein,” wrote author Marjory Roberts. “Good moods corresponded to a bolstered immune response, better enabling the body to ‘reject’ the substance.”
The researchers concluded that “minor, daily mood fluctuations are associated with immune functioning.”
“Research has repeatedly shown that extreme stress and depression can weaken the body’s ability to fight off potential invaders, but now it seems that even daily ups and downs can toughen the task of the immune system” (M. Roberts, “Moody Immunity,” Psychology Today, November 1987, page 14).
The fact is that “the body cannot tell the difference between events that are actual threats to survival and events that are present in thought alone,” said Dr. Borysenko.
“The mind spins out endless fantasies of possible disasters past and future. This tendency to escalate a situation into its worst possible conclusion is what I call awfulizing, and it can be a key factor in tipping the balance toward illness or health” (Minding the Body, Mending the Mind, page 20).
In another experiment, volunteers were injected with a tiny dose of adrenaline. Researchers found that lymphocytes – the “helper cells” that augment the immune response within the body – immediately declined in their systems.
S.I. McMillen wrote about this effect of adrenaline production and release in a body under stress:
“This reserve of energy [from the adrenaline gland] can be lifesaving if one is running from a lion or crossing a busy highway. But, if a person sits at high noon in the security of his own home and, instead of relaxing, allows his mind to think of burglars or of the man who is out to destroy his business, then his emotional centers will send out alarm messages to the glands, heart, and blood-pressure centers – just as if an individual were actually attacking him. Although the body needs an excess of hormones for genuine emergency situations, an excessive and frequent production of hormones over weeks and months results in harmful effects” (None of These Diseases, Fleming H. Revell Co., 1984, page 131).
“Indeed a primary function of the brain, perhaps as important as rational thought or language, is health maintenance,” wrote Robert Ornstein and David Sobel (The Healing Brain,” Psychology Today, March 1987, pages 48-52).
“The numerous connections between the nervous system and the immune system allow the mind to influence resistance or susceptibility to disease…. Scores of studies on humans shows that various types of social instability and the lack of resources to regain stability are associated with subsequent illness,” the authors continued.
To offset any negative stress and gain peace of mind, then, the individual must get in control of his mind and emotions. That control gives hope for a brighter future.
The value of peace of mind is priceless not only mentally but, science is showing, even in terms of physical health.
Research shown that adrenaline, produced in glands on top of the kidneys (left), suppresses the release of lymphocytes – a group of white blood cells of crucial importance to the body’s immune system.
Perception and the Stress Response
What happens in the mind and body to trigger the stress response? First, there must be an event or situation which is perceived by the mind as undesirable or threatening. The threat can come from an external source, such as warning about an overdue debt or a physical danger, or it can be a pain within the body. The threat can be real or imagined. Whether the stressor is real or not, the body’s response is always real. Sometimes people have severe stress reactions to imagined stressors. According to sociologist W. I. Thomas, “If people define situations as real, they are real in their consequences”.
A woman brought the morning mail in. Among the several items was an ”official” letter from the bank (one of those letters with a little window). Upon seeing the letter the woman became anxious and upset. Without having opened the envelope, the woman said to her husband: “Oh, Ed, we’re overdrawn. How could that have happened? I’m always very careful about recording checks. Could I have forgotten to record one? Did I make a mistake in subtracting? Did you write a check and not tell me? Somebody must have forged a check --or maybe a lot of checks! Oh what are we going to do?” The woman, now very agitated, was still holding the unopened envelope. Her husband opened the letter and found the bank was reporting a small error in bookkeeping on the bank’s part. The correspondence from a bank official was to inform them that they were being credited for $8.63.
In that situation, the stress response occurred in all its force, even though it was triggered by a quick, and wrong, perception. The interpretation, although incorrect, was real in its consequences. If you have ever been frightened by a rubber snake, which you thought was real, you have experienced the consequences of a false perception.
When a stressful event or situation occurs, the mind quickly assesses its significance and sends messages throughout the body via the central nervous system. Energy is rapidly distributed throughout the body by the bloodstream and the body’s resources are mobilized to depend itself against the perceived threat. The level of your stress in a situation depends on the intensity of meaning you attach to the source of the stress.
A woman brought the morning mail in. Among the several items was an ”official” letter from the bank (one of those letters with a little window). Upon seeing the letter the woman became anxious and upset. Without having opened the envelope, the woman said to her husband: “Oh, Ed, we’re overdrawn. How could that have happened? I’m always very careful about recording checks. Could I have forgotten to record one? Did I make a mistake in subtracting? Did you write a check and not tell me? Somebody must have forged a check --or maybe a lot of checks! Oh what are we going to do?” The woman, now very agitated, was still holding the unopened envelope. Her husband opened the letter and found the bank was reporting a small error in bookkeeping on the bank’s part. The correspondence from a bank official was to inform them that they were being credited for $8.63.
In that situation, the stress response occurred in all its force, even though it was triggered by a quick, and wrong, perception. The interpretation, although incorrect, was real in its consequences. If you have ever been frightened by a rubber snake, which you thought was real, you have experienced the consequences of a false perception.
When a stressful event or situation occurs, the mind quickly assesses its significance and sends messages throughout the body via the central nervous system. Energy is rapidly distributed throughout the body by the bloodstream and the body’s resources are mobilized to depend itself against the perceived threat. The level of your stress in a situation depends on the intensity of meaning you attach to the source of the stress.
Stress Management Revisited
Introduction
Let’s face it. No other single force is more responsible for the worldwide epidemic of drug and alcohol abuse than hypertension, or excessive stress.
What do we see in the world around us? Overcrowding. Interpersonal conflicts. Economic uncertainty. International strife. Uncertainty about the future. A gnawing sense of helplessness.
These factor add up to create what Alvin Toffler described as future shock- a vague, continuous feeling of anxiety. It’s a condition that can only be described as the disease of change.
Escaping Reality
More and more people are seeking to dull the pain of this 21st century “disease” by using alcohol and drugs. But the supposed cure has itself created an epidemic. Organizational development consultant Karl Albrecht aptly summarizes today’s state of mind in these words:
“The use of mood-altering chemicals in America, and to some extent in other developed countries, has run completely wild.
“Cultures we are pleased to label ‘primitive’ all without exception reserve the use of tobacco, drugs and intoxicants for special occasions such as celebration and rituals. Only in the so- called advance cultures do we use these chemically induced altered states of awareness as routine means for escaping reality.”
Stress is not necessarily a negative force. Stress is not, after all, just what happens to us, but how we react to what happens to us. And how we react is controlled by our mind and emotions.
Role of stress
To be alive is to be under a certain amount of stress. As endocrinologist Hans Selye, one of the world’s foremost authorities on stress, says: “Most people who want to accomplish something, who are ambitious, live on stress. They need it.” The right amount of stress can push us to perform at our very best.
Stress also serves to protect us in hazardous situations. If we are driving along in fast traffic and another car swerves into our lane in front of us, a lot of things immediately happen in our bodies- in the brain, heart, and muscular system. The body marshals inner forces and rises to meet the crises, producing the positive effect of avoiding a collision.
But if the crises and pressures around us become so frequent and so intense that we are constantly calling upon inner resources to respond so dramatically, the stress becomes debilitating. The body simply cannot meet such demands.
Say’s health educator Leo R. Vandolson: “ When individuals are repeatedly forced to… accept continual change, especially changes involving conflict and uncertainty, an adaptive reaction occurs that draws upon the hormones, causing chemical reactions throughout the body that damage it’s reserves of energy.”
Having too much stress, which Dr. Selye refers to as hyperstress, can be destructive to both our physical and emotional well-being. Many turn to alcohol or drugs to anesthetize the stress produce by emotionally upsetting events or situations: marital quarrels, poverty, fear, loneliness, job tensions.
These individuals fail to realize, however, that using alcohol or drugs to cope with stress is contributing to a vicious and harmful cycle in a person’s life. Using alcohol or drugs is not an effective measure for coping with pressures.
The Cost of Stress Epidemic
Stress is epidemic in the western world. Over two-thirds of office visits to physicians are for stress related illness. Stress is a major contributing factor either directly or indirectly, to coronary artery disease, cancer, respiratory disorders, accidental injuries, cirrhosis of the liver and suicide; the six leading causes of death in the United States. Stress aggravates other conditions such as multiple sclerosis, diabetes, herpes, mental illness, alcoholism, drug abuse, and family discord and violence.
The stress epidemic is an extremely costly one. The medical costs alone have been estimated in the United States at well over 1 Billion dollars per year. Stress costs industry approximately 150 billion dollars per year in increased health insurance outlays, burnout, absenteeism, reduced productivity, costly mistakes in the office and on the shop floor, poor morale, high employee turnover, as well as family, alcohol and drug related problems.
Stress and Our Emotion
Stress is a state of tension that is created when a person responds to the demands and pressures that come from work, family and other external sources, as well as those that are internally generated from self imposed demands, obligations and self-criticism.
Stress is both additive and cumulative. It adds up over time until a state of crisis is reached and symptoms appear. These symptoms may manifest themselves psychologically as irritability, anxiety, impaired concentration, mental confusion, poor judgment, frustration and anger. They may appear as physical symptoms. Common physical symptoms of stress include: muscle tension, headaches, low back pain, insomnia and high blood pressure. Untreated, these symptoms may lead to physical illness and sometimes death.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Welcome to COGNITIVE DISSONANCE!
Thoughts Rescripting. Paradigm Shifting. Conscience Checking. Beliefs. Dementia. Stress. Quotes. Quips. Hacking on the leaves. Hopelessness. Helplessness. Breakthrough Thinking. Mind. Matter. Life!
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