Disappointment, frustration and anger frequently come from things not working out the way we expected them to. We have conscious and unconscious expectations for our own behavior, for the behavior of others and for particular events in our lives. When things do not happen the way we expected, it is easy to become upset and irritated. Examples of our expectations may include: (1) expecting a promotion, (2) expecting to get all ten items on our list done for that day, (3) expecting birthday money from Mom and Dad, (4) expecting our boss to recognize our extra work, and (5) expecting our spouse to know what's on our mind.
One way we can deal with the stress, which comes from unmet expectations, is to replace expectations with hopes. For example, if we begin work by saying to ourselves, "I hope this day will be interesting, but I am not going to expect it to be the greatest," we will be less disappointed if the day is not interesting. Another example is to say, "I would sure like him to call tonight, but I am not going to expect it." By thinking this way, the evening is not ruined if he does not call. There is nothing wrong with desiring something, but when our wants and hopes become expectations we set ourselves up for trouble. Identifying and changing our expectations can be an excellent way to control stress.
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