Stresstab9: Increasing Our Compassion and Care

Much has been written about love and the benefits it can bring into our lives and the lives of others. Love, or the lack of it, seems to be associated with most of our other emotions. When we are experiencing feelings like happiness and calmness, we are most likely giving love to others. When we are experiencing feelings of anger, hurt, or fear, there is probably a deficiency of love in those same relationships.

Caring for others is difficult especially when they have hurt us. We must remember, however, that our ability to love others is not dependent upon them. As annoying as they may be, we still have the power within us to love them regardless of their obnoxious, mean, or vulgar behavior. It helps if we can direct this power toward focusing on their positive aspects, their worth, and their potential to change rather than concentrating on their offensive and undesirable behaviors.

One of the first things we can do to increase our compassion and care within us is to decide to have compassion and care for others. A dramatic example of this is illustrated in a true story from World War II, where a Polish individual by the nickname of Wild Bill Cody decided to have compassion for others even though the German army had just shot his wife and five children. He stated,

"I had to decide right then whether to let myself hate the soldiers who had done this. It was an easy decision, really. I was a lawyer. In my practice I had seen too often what hate could do to people's minds and bodies. Hate had just killed the six people who mattered most to me in the world. I decided then that I would spend the rest of my life-- whether it was a few days or many years--loving every person I came in contact with."

The decision to have compassion and care instead of hate is a major accomplishment because it is so easy to justify our negative feelings as a consequence of the unfairness and cruelness in the world.
Another step we can take to increase our ability to love others is to try to understand their past, their family, their needs, and their fears. Often someone will act in an uncaring way as a protection against hurt and rejection. For example, a sarcastic and spiteful officemate will probably be easier to like if we know of the verbal abuse she received at home and her present need to appear as competent as anyone else.

We can also increase compassion within us by doing things for others without any reciprocal expectations. Voluntary acts of kindness and service without a desire for recognition or repayment usually increase compassion in both the "giver" and the "receiver." Examples of such acts could be: complimenting someone for the talk she gave, helping co- worker clean his desk, leaving an anonymous note of admiration or encouragement, running an errand for a friend, listening to a friend's troubles, and doing the dishes for a mate.

One of the quicker ways to increase our compassion is to become involved and work with people who are poor, handicapped, or disadvantaged. Associating with and serving those who are less fortunate than ourselves usually increases our compassion and appreciation for them. It also helps us put our own problems in perspective.

Liking others is much easier if we like ourselves. When we belittle our ideas, looks, and abilities, we diminish our capacity to extend kindness to others. Accepting our limitations in a positive and realistic way helps us maintain good feelings about ourselves and makes it easier to accept the limitations in others. Acceptance of ourselves and others promotes love.

Some additional ways to increase our compassion is to seek the gift of love from God, face the fears which are "tormenting" us and holding us back from love, and provide appropriate physical contact as an expression of our feelings.